Have you ever had those days when you feel like you are caught in the middle of a crazy storm? Complete. Utter. Chaos. That is how I am feeling in my world today, both inside and out. It is so hard to even breathe, let alone combat a long line of negative thoughts bombarding their way into my head. When I reason with myself logically, life is good! But changes are happening in a lot of different ways and it brings all sorts of emotions and inner junk up to the surface. Change for me seems to happen all at once. I can’t seem to rearrange things in baby steps, I change everything. I seem to struggle with a decision to do something for weeks, months, years even. And then, all the sudden BOOM. I’m ready. Making one solid decision feels so good, that I want more. The universe even helps out by throwing in some changes on its own. So then it snowballs…and I feel GREAT. Until everything starts to feel different. And scary. And messy. Then I realize how uncomfortable I am. My first instinct is to put everything back the way it was.
I recently went camping and had four glorious days out in nature, away from my cell phone, computer and to-do list. When I returned, the sense of calm and stillness that I felt out there remained with me for several days. I slept more sound than I had in weeks. I wasn’t reaching for my cell phone to post a photo on Facebook every two seconds. I found myself not listening to music in my car and just enjoying silence. This week I am longing for that again….simplicity, peace, and just being present.
I know this will all be OK. Things sometimes get messy before they calm down. In the end, I know I will be stronger and have grown in some way. Being caught in the middle though, it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m learning that being uncomfortable does not equal BAD. It just means different. It means new opportunities. It means growth. So this time, I will sit with the upheaval of my surroundings and my soul. I will truly feel my feelings, settle in, ride it out and just breathe.